Here we go...

This is my third try at blogging. The first few I just gave up on. Perhaps I’ll like this format and we’ll keep with it.

I’m currently listening to Bill Hybels sermon series from 1984 on the book of James. The first one was incredibly interesting for me; James urges his brothers and sisters to see trials as joy. Hybels in his sermon remarks that they should become for the who follow Christ “allies”. I find this so interesting because of the hardships inside my head that I’ve had over the last year.

As I have faced depression, I have found that has affected every part of me. The trough of the depression is far passed but I still feel the effects like the aftershock of a earthquake. For instance, it is merely 6:03 in the evening right now and I feel as if I could go get in bed and sleep until morning. I nap often; usually going 2-3 hours every other couple of days.

So the circumstance that seems to be bugging me most is my lethargy. I want to hang out, but sometimes I just feel I need to go to bed.

Today I as listened to Bill I realized that over the last year as I have been sick I have not really embraced depression and now fatigue as an ally. Let me explain. In his epistle, James says that the through adversity and trial we learn to persevere. For most of my life I was so afraid of doing something wrong for myself or others that it all boiled into a breaking of my will. I had to consecrate these things to God, letting go and give everything to him: tangible and intangible. In short, the old me died one year ago. I know this is strong language but it is true.

The crazy thing is that I’m not sure how I would have any of it be different. The message I heard today put adequate words to what I was going through, and I have persevered and am continuing to persevere through it. It has been the only way that I may build character.

My challenge: to continue to seek God and he has first sought and loved me. My character is on the line, and I must embrace and make the trials I go through an ally. I also want to encourage any who have trials to share what they are going through. As we all experience life together, sometimes we need to pray for those who can’t pray themselves through. It’s through those sorts of prayers that I’ve stayed sane.